At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
