There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
