i think my tv is drunk
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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