omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Randomize
