why im i the only drunk person in the library?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
OPIZZABONMYDICK
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
