i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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