He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
