Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
