I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
