BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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