When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
