i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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