need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I see more hoeing in ur future
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize