so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
