The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
