im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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