Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
