well you can't waste a boner
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
