The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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