I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
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Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize