As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
