so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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