Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You have to summon your inner elephant
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
