yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
