I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
