I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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