What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
