there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Randomize
