K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
