nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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