well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
