420 ftw
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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