Can Purell be used as lube?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
