Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
