Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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