He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
