There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
