so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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