I want you more than these girls want KFC
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You're like the curious george of whores
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
