last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
