everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
