Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
