She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize
