grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
