Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
