I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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