White coat. Heels.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
