Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
