i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
