Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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