I wanna bring you to show and tell
I wish my penis had an off switch
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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