i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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