why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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