Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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