it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
