what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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