I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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