he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
