Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
