the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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