Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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