Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
