We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
