in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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