Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
