Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
