his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize