i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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