honey bunches of taint.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Randomize
