This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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