so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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