Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
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first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
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10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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