I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Damn victory sex feels great
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