But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
