tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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