i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
